


All is NOT Well

by StripeK



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Auror Harry Potter, Confused Harry, Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Healer Draco Malfoy, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Supportive Ginny Weasley, Work In Progress, more tags to add, snippets of life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-06-26 23:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19778320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StripeK/pseuds/StripeK
Summary: It's 2017, and Harry has just waved his sons off to Hogwarts. All is well, right? So why does it feel like he's losing a grip on everything?





	1. September 2017

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi chapter post, and is also a WIP (he story is all set out in my head and about a quarter of it is written, the rest is coming). I'm hoping to update every Friday. As always, all comments are very welcome.

All was well.

Or as well as it could be, Harry guessed.

Dropping his quill, he reaches for his still-warm coffee and finishes it off. He casts a glance over to his bed, before turning back to the mound of paperwork he still needs to get through. Switching to a desk job in the Auror department had been necessary after one too many trips to St. Mungo's in his twenties. An ultimatum had been made - change his job or lose his wife. He had chosen his marriage, though he often wanders if he would have still made that decision if he knew where they would be now.

Still, the paperwork allowed him to spend more time at home, and that meant more time with his children. The last few months had consisted of spending most of the days in the garden or around London, before staying up late in his office processing the work he neglected in the daylight hours. Now the boys were at Hogwarts, and Lily would be returning to school in a few days he would be able to pick up work during the day, and maybe get ahead before the Christmas break.

A knock at the door startles Harry from his thoughts.

"Come in" he shouts towards the heavy door. 

"Letter from Albus," Ginny explains as she opens the door and offers the parchment in her hand to Harry "It's addressed to you." 

Breaking the seal, Harry smiles as he starts to read. 

_Dad,_

_I really hope you meant what you said yesterday. The hat wanted to put me in Slytherin and I thought about asking it not to, but on the train a met a really nice boy whose parents were both in Slytherin, and he was sorted into Slytherin so I thought it might not be so bad. Our dorm rooms are in the dungeons, but it's not that scary. We have a huge window in our room which looks into the lake, and I saw the giant squid!_

_Please can you tell mum and let her know I will write to her very soon. Will you make sure no one is annoyed that I'm in Slytherin? Scorpius thinks I’m being silly, worrying that they will be, as apparently “the Weasley’s are a very loyal family”, but Grandad is always so proud of his Gryffindor grandchildren..._

_We have Herbology with Neville first today. I miss you, mum and Lily. Please write soon._

_Albus_

Fixing the smile he is sure has faltered, he turns to Ginny "I hope your mum hasn't started Al's Christmas jumper yet - he may appreciate a green and silver one." 

Ginny smiles softly "A Slytherin hey? I guess we did see it coming. Is he okay?" 

"Yeah, he made a friend on the train who is also in Slytherin. He's a little worried about the rest of the family, but I'll write back and reassure him that no one will mind." 

"Did he say who his new friend was..." 

Harry sighs, knowing there is no point lying, Al was sure to mention him in his letter in Ginny.

"Yes... but Gin, listen it doesn't mean... They might not even be close come the end of the school year." 

A laugh erupts from the red head "Yes, tell me Harry, what happened to the boy you became friends with on the Hogwarts express 26 years ago?" Ginny's face softens, before she carries on, tentatively broaching a subject she surely knows Harry wouldn't appreciate "Harry are you sure you don't want to make this official? You know I'd be okay with it, and mum and dad would be as well once we explained..." 

"Have you met someone?" 

"No, but you should be able to put yourself out there Har-" 

"Stop. I told you before, I have the kids, and you. I don't want to disrupt everything for... for what? The possibility of meeting someone who is like me and... If you meet someone Gin, I'll sign the papers but please don't do this for me" 

"I just want you to be happy..." 

"And I am. Here, with my family. Now, do you want to Floo your parents? I need to finish these reports tonight and then write to Al..." 

"Of course, I'll leave you be." Ginny presses a chaste kiss to Harry's forehead before leaving, closing the door behind her. Harry turns back to the letter, fisting his hands into his hair and deciding to forego the paperwork in order to reply to his young son. 


	2. October 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little later than planned, I'll be honest and admit that every Friday is an aim to make me keep writing so it may be a day or two late on occasion. Hope you enjoy.

Knowing this could be the last year he took any of his children Trick or Treating, Harry forced a smile on his face as he headed downstairs in his Muggle Wizard outfit. The tip of the star covered hat brushed the low ceiling, and the sleeves were bound to catch on a door handle or two but it was worth is to see the pure joy on Lily's face. Lily is ready and waiting by the front door, dressed in her Muggle Witch outfit, including a fake, warty nose and a "cauldron" to carry her treats in. 

"Come on then Lils, lets do the neighbourhood and then we can see what's on offer in Godrics Hollow." 

There aren't too many homes near Grimmauld Place, with many of the other houses on their road converted into muggle flats, so it isn't long before they return home to Apparate to Godrics Hollow. Here, Lily is safe to go door-to-door alone, giving Harry some respite and a chance to enjoy his surroundings. Watching as his daughter charms an elderly man whose impressive bread suggests he is a Wizard, Harry finds himself wondering yet again what it would be like to live around here. It's too late now really, with the children all but moved out and his marriage so... Still, the village feels much more homely than London ever really could. 

Once Lily's cauldron is brimming with Muggle and Wizarding sweets, the two head into the graveyard, towards Harry's parents’ graves. He un-shrinks the autumn wreath inside his costume and places it carefully on the ground in front of their headstone. Standing up and holding his daughter's hand, Harry speaks for a while to his parents, filling them in on the year since he last visited, including what he knows of Al's first couple of months at Hogwarts. When he finishes, Lily pulls a single white lily flower from her robes and places it alongside Harry's wreath. He smiles and nods at her, silently giving her permission to wait for him in the church while he has a moment alone. 

He sighs and allows himself a few minutes to imagine how different his life would have been if his parents were alive. If he had had strong role models throughout his life, who truly loved each other. How had they got it so right while Harry had messed it up? Would he have made different choices if they had been there to guide him? If he hadn't had the full weight of the Wizarding world firmly on his shoulders for so many years? Would he have got it right, and would now be married to the love of his life, living happily with their own children? But then, whose to say his parents had found something different to what he had, they died so young. Ginny and he had been happy and in love at the beginning, and after James was born... right? Just when had the cracks started to show? 

Shaking himself out of the spiral he is slowly falling into, Harry focuses again on the graves in front of him. "I miss you both so much." he whispers, before brushing the tears from the corners of his eyes and turning to walk towards the church. He finds Lily sitting at the back, listening to the choir practicing. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he waits for her to turn before motioning that they should head home. Once outside, Harry takes hold of his daughter's hand and, after a last glance at the shimmering gravestone, he turns on the spot and Apparates home.


	3. November 2017

Harry looks up from the letter and runs a hand through his untamed hair. He could reply now, tell him no, before Ginny even hears about it. But he knows his son, Albus isn't going to let this slide. It will definitely come up over the Christmas break, in front of everyone, and that would be worse. He looked at his desk and read the letter once more. 

_Dad,_

_The Halloween feast was amazing! The Headless Hunt turned up partway through and really put on a show. The Gryffindor ghost did not look happy though. Did they ever visit when you were here? There was so much food, the only downside was no treacle tart, but the pumpkin pie was alright._

_Scorp had a letter today from his dad, about the Christmas break. They are going to the mountains for a couple of nights between Christmas and New Years, and his dad said he could bring a friend if he wanted, and Scorp has asked if I want to come! Please can I? I'll do extra chores before to make up for the ones I'd miss while away. I'll even clean all the owl muck out of the attic. Scorp says they go every year, to this big log cabin and they spend all day skiing. They have spare skis and skiing gear, so I won't need to buy anything, Mr Malfoy says the trip is all on them. Please say yes... I've never been skiing._

_Lessons are going fine, I'm learning lots of spells. I even got awarded 15 points last week for being the first in class to perform the levitating charm. James has stopped being so mean and calling me snake boy - did mum write to him?_

_Miss you all,_

_Albus_

_P.S. Please say I can go skiing. You let James go camping last summer with the Jordan's..._

Harry sighs, realising the best thing to do is deal with this straight away. He can't think of any feasible reason to deny his son the opportunity to go on such a great trip. Standing, he makes his way downstairs to the kitchen where Ginny is fixing a snack for Lily before she leaves for another training session with the Harpies. He silently hands her the letter and waits while she reads it over. 

"Do you think he wants to go?" She asks cheekily. 

"We can always say no." Harry suggests, knowing it’s not going to work.

"Why would we do that? It sounds like a great trip!" 

"Well, it would probably be best if you take him over to the manor." He shifts from one foot to another, knowing his suggestion is for his benefit, not Ginny’s.

"I've told you Harry, I don't care if you see him. Not anymore." Ginny sighs softly. "But if you would rather I go, that's fine. I'm sure you can come up with an excuse. Some paperwork that needs filing or something." 

"Gin-" Harry stops as Ginny holds up her hand. 

"Just write back and say he can go. I need to get going, I'll see you later" She leans over and kisses him gently on the cheek. Confused, Harry turns around and notices Lily standing in the doorway. He responds with a quick peck on his wife’s cheek and a muttered “Goodbye love” before turning to address his daughter.

“Right Lils, how about we write a nice letter for your brothers before we make a start on your homework?”

Smiling, she sits down at the large kitchen table and grabs a slice of apple from the plate. “Can I tell them about all the sweets they missed out on at Halloween?”

“Of course darling, I’m sure you could send them a few as well if you like.” Harry jokes, laughing at the indignant look on his daughter’s face, before summoning some parchment from his study.


	4. December 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a day late again! Been a crazy week for me...
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Comments and Kudos are the best motivation :)

Closing the door to his study, Harry lets out an audible sigh before flopping onto his bed. He knew disappearing so soon after Albus had returned home was unacceptable, but his head felt like it would explode if he heard one more word about the skiing trip. He really hadn't realised how close Al was to Malfoy's son, and it seemed he was also just a little in awe of Malfoy himself if the way he kept going on about the tall, blond man was anything to go by.

Harry realises his heart is still beating at a too-fast pace for his stationary position and focuses on taking slow breaths until he feels a little better. He honestly thought he was past this. Before September, it had been nearly a decade since he had seen Malfoy, and years since he had thought about him (hadn't it?) But now, it seems he must accept that would no longer be the case. And if his son's new friendship continued to grow, he wasn't sure how much longer he could avoid seeing his old school rival again. 

An overwhelming urge to contact him flares up inside him and is immediately quashed. Sitting up, he rocks slightly back and forth, while gripping his hands together and muttering the mantra he learned during his Conversion Therapy in America nine years ago. "I am happy with Ginny, I am happy with my children, I am happy with my life. I do not need anything more. Ginny, my children, my life. Ginny, my children, my life. Ginny. My children. My life." He slowly stops and is relieved to find all urges to floo to Malfoy Manor (is that even where he lives now?) have gone, and so is the need to be alone. 

Getting up and leaving his study, he heads back downstairs to the living room. Standing in the doorway he is greeted by four smiling faces. Ginny, and his children. His life. 

"Dad! I thought you had work to do." 

"I know Al, but there was less than I thought so I'm all finished now til tomorrow." Harry smiles warmly at his young son, while taking in the picturesque room. Ginny and James are playing a game of Exploding Snap (the third of the night Harry believes), while Lily is curled up in front of the fire with Gwenog, their black and white Kneazle, and Albus is sat at the desk, ignoring the pile of homework spread out all over it. "Can I help you with any of that?" Harry asks, nodding at the heap of parchment. 

"Yes please! I'm stuck on my potions essay" Harry tried to hide his grimace, "Mr Malfoy offered to help but I didn't take it with me on the trip. He said you were terrible at Potions at Hogwarts, but I said you must have been good to have taken it at NEWT level and become an Auror. Mr Malfoy also said you, Neville and Uncle Ron once had detention with him in the Forbidden Forest! Was it really during your first year? Why were you given detention? Mr Malfoy said something about a dragon! Is it true you saw a monster in the forest?" 

Harry braces himself against the continuous onslaught of questions and sighs. It's going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have no idea whatsoever what Conversion therapy entails. I'm just making up something to fit with my narrative.


	5. January 2018

Apparating straight onto the emergency floor at St Mungos, Harry rushes over to the Welcome Witch, Lily unconscious in his arms. "Help! It's my daughter, she fell off a broom, probably about 20 feet." 

"Take a number and a seat, we will-" On looking up, the Welcome Witch's tone suddenly changes, "Mr Potter! I'm so sorry, please right this way!" Jumping to her feet, she leads him through a set of double doors and down a corridor to a private room. Harry rolls his eyes, having always hated the preferential treatment he seems to receive everywhere he goes. On this occasion however, he is grateful it is ensuring his daughter is looked after as quickly as possible. "If you wait in this room, I will have a Senior Healer with you as soon as possible." the Welcome Witch says, before rushing out of the room. Harry carefully lays Lily down on the bed and sits down beside her, gently stroking her soft hair. 

The door behind him opens. "I'm terribly sorry to have kept you waiting, what seems to be- Potter!" 

Both men stare at each other for a moment, before Harry is able to recover and focus on the rather important matter at hand. "My daughter, Lily, fell off a broom. She was about 15, maybe 20 feet up at the time, landed in the rose bushes. I wasn't quick enough to stop her or slow her down and when I levitated her out, she was unconscious. I-" 

"It's okay Potter, let me check her over. I'm sure it's nothing serious." Malfoy's tone is instantly calming, and Harry lowers himself back into his seat, he hadn't even realised he had stood up. He watches as Malfoy mutters diagnostic spells under his breath while running his wand over Lily's still frame. 

"It's my fault." Harry says softly, almost to himself, "I said she could go flying in the garden while I did some paperwork, but I'd forgotten that I had left my broom case unlocked. She knows she isn't to use my Firebolt, but she's so like her mother I'm not at all surprised she took advantage. When I saw her out the study window, two storeys up, I shouted at her, furious to see her on it. The shock caused her to lose control and I... I..." 

"Potter, listen to me." Malfoy's voice cuts through the spiral Harry could feel himself falling into. He gazes up into impossibly silver eyes. "She is going to be okay. It's mostly cuts and bruises, a couple of cracked ribs which I can heal in a jiffy. I'll need to check her head further when she wakes but I see no reason why that won't be in the next five minutes or so." 

Harry's relief is overwhelming, and he finds himself uncontrollably sobbing into his hands. "I thought... I thought I'd lost her... I was so scared, and it was all my fault..." He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Malfoy standing by him, and unreadable look on his face. 

"I understand, it's terrifying when something happens to your child. When Scorpius was three, he was taken ill suddenly and... he's fine now, thank Salazer, but it was the scariest moment of my life, which is quite saying something." 

Harry returns the soft smile. "Thanks Malfoy." 

"No need to thank me, this is my job. I'll be back once she is awake to check her over again, in the meantime a MediWitch will be here shortly to heal the cuts and bruises. I would myself but-" 

"Of course, you have other patients to see." 

Malfoy offers a strained smile before heading out the door. Harry turns back to his daughter and resumes stroking her hair, something he always does whenever she is unwell. He barely notices the MediWitch bustling in to heal the marks that are scattered over Lily's body. Before long, her skin is blemish free once more, and she is just stirring as Malfoy re-enters the room. 

"Hello Lily," he softly addresses her "how are you feeling? You gave your dad quite a scare today." 

Lily looks at him a little unsure, "Hello..." 

"Lils, this is Healer Malfoy. He's going to fix your ribs and then check you over again before we head home, is that okay?" 

She nods her head and allows Malfoy to repeat the earlier tests and heal her broken ribs. Smiling he turns to them "You're a lucky girl Lily Potter. We've been able to heal all your injuries which weren't too severe. I'd suggest you stay off your dad's broom though, until you're a bit older yeah?" 

"Thank you, Healer Malfoy." She says, looking rather solemn and turning to face Harry "I'm sorry dad..." 

"It's okay darling, I'm just glad you're alright. Let's get you home. And maybe we won't tell your mum about this hey?" The last thing Harry needed was Ginny grilling him about the accident. Or the Healer who had treated her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I'm having trouble with the next chapter - the words just don't want to come! I hope something will stick by next Friday but apologies in advance if this is not the case. I'm confident the next couple of chapters after should come fine (as I said before, the whole arc is planned out as is the main focus of each chapter) so the delay shouldn't last too long.


	6. February 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! Had a bit of a mental week and time to write has been short. I hope to have the next chapter up within a couple of weeks.

"To the happy couple! 15 years strong, with many more to come!" Ron's voice booms around the private back room of the Leaky Cauldron, and Harry internally cringes yet again as all eyes are on him and Ginny. This party was the last thing he wanted, but apparently his hints hadn't hit their mark. He feels like a fraud, standing there playing the doting husband when he and Gin both know that really, they didn't even make it to double figures.

He holds his glass up and nods politely at their guests, his arm clasped tightly around Ginny's waist. Harry sighs in relief when the music starts back up, meaning no one is expecting him to make a speech, at least not yet. A group of Ginny's old teammates ascend upon them, offering hearty congratulations and joking about Harry being a saint to put up with her for so long. He smiles, knowing it's not quite reaching his eyes, his thoughts reminding him that _she_ is the saint for staying, despite all her has put her through.

As talk turns to the current Quidditch League, Harry allows his gaze to wander around the large room, filled with so many familiar faces. Most of their housemates and friends from Hogwarts are here, plus dozens of red-headed Weasley's of various ages. Along with Ginny's old team-mates are the current Harpies team she is coaching, and group of Senior Aurors Harry work's alongside (on the odd occasion he makes it into the office). He spots Andromeda sitting near the back, with Teddy and Victoire who are looking very cosy. Catching Teddy's eye, Harry raises his glass with a quirk of his eyebrow, noticing a slight blush as Teddy mirrors the motion. It's then that he sees it, a flash of white-blond hair heading out the door. His heartbeat automatically quickens, as he tries to keep his breathing steady. It isn’t until he feels Ginny nudge him in the ribs, he realises his grip around her waist has also tightened.

"Are you okay?" She asks softly, leaning into his ear so she can be heard over the music.

"Yeah... Did you know Malfoy was coming?" Harry doesn't even know why he tries to keep his voice casual. Ginny can always see right through it, especially these days.

"I didn't. Ron must have invited him. I heard Scorpius is making quite the impression on Rose, maybe he wanted to give Draco another chance." Harry hums in response, not knowing what else to say.

A heavy clap on his back jolts him back to the party as Kingsley offers his hearty congratulations to them both, before trying to convince Harry to go back to field work. Running on auto-pilot, he grinds out his usual speech about needing to be at home for his family rather than out on dangerous missions, his mind slips back to the blond head of hair he saw earlier. Malfoy would be long gone by now, there was no chance of Harry catching up with him. What would he even say if he did? In his dreams he imagines telling Malfoy how he feels and finding out his feelings are reciprocated, ending with the two of them walking off into the sunset together. But life wasn’t a fairy tale, and Harry knew how he felt wasn’t _normal_. Acting on it would be wrong, he knows this somewhere deep down but no matter what he has tried, he has never been able to stop being attracted to men.

_Man_. His brain supplies him. Just one particular blond haired, grey eyed gorgeous man who Harry has been trying to resist for most of his life.

Another dig in his ribs brings him back once again, and this time he forces himself to stay focused on their party and guests.


End file.
